Category Archives: Joke

CHURCH IN 2020

PASTOR: Praise the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Halleluiah!

PASTOR: Can we please turn our
tablet, PC, iPad, cellphone, kindle bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13….! And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon…. !

PASTOR: Let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your WhatsApp, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with your God. Come on…

PASTOR: Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall now take tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password Lord909887.

[Ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear
of the church and those who prefer to use iPads allowed to flip them open. Those who prefer telephone banking
are allowed to take out their cellphones to transfer their contributions to the church bank
account!]

The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the cellphones , iPads, PCs and laptops
beep and flicker!

[Announcement]

SECRETARY: This week’s cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebook
group pages where the usual group chatting takes place and mix-it for Sunday school pupil. Please. don’t miss out. Thursday’s bible teachings will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don’t missout. You
can follow Pastor on Twitter this
weekend for counselling
and prayers, don?t forget our
weekly sermon uploads on YouTube .
God bless you and have a
wonderful Sunday.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

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Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

 

600 Story Hotel

Tom, Dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.

Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly Harry will tell a sad story.They then started up the steps

After 2 hours it was Harry’s turn. He turned to the other two and said “Ok guys, here’s my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.

 

No Mass

A Higgs boson particle walks up to a Catholic church.

The priest stops him at the door and says, “I’m sorry, you can’t take part in our service today.”
The Higgs boson says, “What?! You can’t have mass without me!”

[In physics, a Higgs boson is an elementary particle thought to be responsible for giving things mass]